USA Out-Coached, Out-Dressed & Outplayed

By: Marino Parascenzo


One would think the next guy invited to captain the U.S. Ryder Cup team would have the good sense to turn down the honor. Or else accept on condition that he remains anonymous and that he be permitted to go about his duties with a bag over his head.

Two years hence, the golfers themselves, upon making the team, might receive the news with the grace and ingenuity of a guy fleeing the process server. Remember Tom Weiskopf once went hunting rather than join the tiresome drill of thumping Great Britain and Ireland yet again. Maybe more Americans will take up hunting.

Weiskopf's hunting trip, by the way, helped spawn the history that the Americans are suffering to this day. Back then, the Ryder Cup was dying from universal disinterest. A GB&I official sought Jack Nicklaus's advice on how to save it. Nicklaus noted, in part, that some Americans would rather go hunting than play in the Ryder Cup. Get some golfers, he said - include all of Europe on your team. They did, and at least partly because of Nicklaus's barb.

So blame Nicklaus for what happened yet again, this time at Gleneagles in Scotland. Since the debut of the European side in 1979, Europe is 10-7-1, but more to the point, with the piece of cake that ended Sunday - Europe winning by16½ to 11½ - they've won three straight and are 8-2 over the last 10.

You got a sense of where this one was going from the opening shots. Webb Simpson was a captain's choice for the team, U.S. captain Tom Watson's last pick. In fact, he had begged Watson. "I told him, I really, really want to be on that team," Simpson had said. Watson even sent him out first, to lead off for the U.S., to hit the first tee shot Friday morning in better-ball. Not that Simpson was shaking on the first tee, but he did hit a pop-up over second, barely reaching the fairway.

Hitting next, his partner, Bubba Watson (no relation to the captain), didn't lack for confidence or playfulness. He exhorted the folks in the jammed grandstands to cheer and carry on while he was hitting. They did. Then he put his tee shot far down the fairway but, unfortunately, well into the rough. Good theater, lousy golf. Neither one made a birdie in the entire match. Justin Rose and Henrik Stenson would thump them, 5 and 4. In football, that would be like losing by, oh, five touchdowns.

The Europeans, I thought then, are going to dance "Ole-Ole-Ole" on the cream of American professional golf for three long days. So I sat back to jot down some notes to myself, among them:

THE OL' MATCH PLAY EXCUSE - Someone is sure to point out that the Europeans won again because they play more match play than the Americans. Wrong. The Americans play more. The Euros play in the Ryder Cup every two years. The Americans are in match play every year - alternating the Ryder Cup and Presidents Cup. There's the Accenture World Match Play on the PGA Tour every year, but that's singles, and anyway, they're practically all in that field.

OUT-COACHED? - In a Friday interview, Tom Watson was asked whether he'd been out-coached. How does one get out-coached in golf? Well, he probably did neglect to tell his guys to keep it in the fairway and make all their putts. But it would seem a captain can out-coach himself. As when Watson, for the Friday afternoon alternate shot, mysteriously benched his rookie pair, Jordan Spieth and Patrick Reed. This after they'd debuted by walloping Ian Poulter, the new soul of Euro golf, and Stephen Gallacher, 5 and 4, in the morning better-ball. Then the U.S. went winless that afternoon, scrounging just a half-point. "I guess you could second-guess me," Watson said. With his permission, who didn't? Spieth, 21, youngest American Ryder Cupper since 1929, was asked why they were benched. "No battle scars," he said. But they weren't getting battle scars, they were giving them.

THE BIG HAUNT - Don't remind Tom Watson, but Spieth and Reed, rookies, were the American stars. Reed went 3-0-1, Spieth 2-1-1.

IAN WHO? - Ian Poulter, the mouth and soul of the Europeans since his heroic play in 2012, went largely silent this time. He birdied the 18th to scratch out a half against Webb Simpson in singles, putting his record at 0-1-2, after coming in at 12-3-0. Poulter's a lot of fun, but that two-handed Harley shiver sure is getting old.

OUTLOOK? DIM - Assuming pretty much the same guys will keep making the teams, it seems the Euros will be getting better for future Ryder Cups. They had five players at 35 or older, and would figure to lose two, at most, for 2016 - Thomas Bjorn, 43, and Lee Westwood, 41. The U.S. has six at 35 or older, and probably will lose two - Phil Mickelson and Jim Furyk, both 44. The seasoned U.S. returnees wouldn't bring back that much seasoning. Bubba Watson, at 35, is now 3-8-0 overall; Matt Kuchar, 36, is 4-5-2, and Zach Johnson, 38, is 6-6-1. It's like having lettermen back from an 0-and-11 team.

ACCURSED AMBIGUITY - Bless the Golf Channel. They called it "alternate shot" instead of using that tiresome and ambiguous British name, "foursomes," which is what you have in your Wednesday night league. Maybe I missed it: Did GC also say better-ball instead of four-balls? (Or four-ball or fourball, whichever confusion you prefer.)

STRIKE FORCE - In Friday's alternate shot, Rickie Fowler and Jimmy Walker were about to stop a tough Euro pairing, Rory McIlroy and Sergio Garcia. In fact, at 2-up with two to play, it's almost impossible not to win. But they managed to do just that. McIlroy holed a 35-foot putt to win the par-3 17th, and Garcia hit a 5-wood from 229 yards out of heavy rough, setting up a two-putt birdie at the par-5 18th and giving the doomed Euros a near-miracle half-point. But Fowler was encouraged. Said Fowler: "We had a great ball-striking day."

GOSPEL ACCORDING TO LEE: The prevailing belief is that expanding to include all European golfers is what made the European side so good. Lee Trevino begs to differ, or else to add to the explanation. He said the improvement came after European golf abandoned the smaller British ball in the 1970s and adopted the larger balls of the standard American size. The bigger balls are much harder to hit, he said, hence require more work and more practice, hence produce better golfers. Whatever. But it still meant the Europeans had Seve Ballesteros.

FASHION STATEMENT: Lee Westwood didn't seem himself without his logos. Or Rickie Fowler without his prison orange.

FASHION STATEMENT II: I'm not one to pay attention to haberdashery, but I couldn't help but notice the U.S. dress. The blue sweaters with the big American flag on the chest? Looks like the guys stopped by to pick up the mail. The pullovers with the red angel wings on the back? You don't have to hang them. Anything that tacky, you can stick against the wall. And the Sunday singles' outfit: Bright-red pants, shirt of horizontal blue and white stripes, and all-blue over the shoulders. You wear that outfit in public, people come up and say, "Where's your balloons?"

P.S. American Captain Tom Watson was not wearing that outfit. Why not? RHIP - Rank Has Its Privileges.

FLOPPING THE FLOP - Typical of the Ryder Cup for the Americans: Hunter Mahan was 1-up on Justin Rose at the 18th, trying for the win, sitting in a swale maybe 20 feet off the green, 40 feet from pin. He rejects the chip and opts for the flop shot. He flops it all right - all the way across the green and off the other side. He bogeys and Rose scratches out a half.

QUOTE OF THE MATCH - At the 15th in singles, McIlroy, going for the win, has missed the green but chips from 60 feet to gimme range. Fowler, on the other hand, has a 20-foot chip, and he leaves it 10 feet short. He needs that putt to extend the match. TV commentator: "I think it's important for Rickie to keep Rory out on the course rather than let him go back and cheer on his team." Right. One thing they needed right now was someone cheering while they're trying to get out the champagne.

COUNT YOUR BLESSING AND YOUR DOUGH - The Americans are lucky the Euros don't play this way on the tour. Otherwise, they wouldn't know where their next million was coming from.

THE ART OF CONCEDING - They concede putts all the time. Even holes. Why doesn't the U.S concede the whole thing? Then everybody heads for the bar. Euros buy.

Marino Parascenzo can assure you that hanging around with great and famous pro golfers does nothing to help your game. They just won't give you the secret. But it makes for a dandy career. As a sportswriter with the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (now retired), Parascenzo covered the whole gamut of sports - Steelers, Pirates, Penguins, Pitt, Penn State and others - but golf was his favorite. As the beat writer for the paper, he covered all the stateside majors and numerous other pro events, and as a freelancer handled reporting duties for the British Open and other tournaments overseas - in Britain, Spain, Italy, the Caribbean, South Africa, China and Malayasia. Marino has won more than 20 national golf-writing awards, along with state and regional honors. He has received the Memorial Tournament's Golf Journalism Award and the PGA of America's Lifetime Achievement Award in Journalism. His writing has appeared in numerous magazines, among them Sports Illustrated, Golf Digest and Golf Magazine, and in anthologies and foreign publications. He also wrote the history of Oakmont Country Club. Parascenzo is a former president of the Golf Writers Association of America and is on its board of directors. He is the founder and chairman of the GWAA's Journalism Scholarship Program. He is a graduate of Penn State and was an adjunct instructor in journalism at Pitt.